He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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