You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
