we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
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When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
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I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize