How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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