I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He had one of those small greek statue penises
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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