I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
