You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Is it because I queefed?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
