So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
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Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
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Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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