Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
