the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
A bitchslap is in order.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
