my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
