How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
