please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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