so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
