Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
