I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
