Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
