somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
