Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
