whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
