you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
