I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
