You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
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I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
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Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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