I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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