Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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