did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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