I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
