i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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