The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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