You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
