mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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