you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
