I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
