You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize