He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
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