My first STD was from a foam party
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
