is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
