dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
