Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize