even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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