This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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