rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
