My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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