she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
