You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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