So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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