Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Let's paint friendship bongs
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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