we made out on top of his cat.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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