wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
