I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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