I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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