Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
