Sry I called you an 8
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
