u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
