I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
