Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wish you could order shots online.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
