fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
