Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize