and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
