if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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