Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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