google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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