I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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